I wrote this three years ago today, on a day when I was drowning in grief after our fourth child was gone too soon.
Often times after a miscarriage we are told “you’ll get pregnant again soon” or “at least you weren’t very far along”. Miscarriage is often viewed as a “lesser loss”, but to the Mom, Dad or sibling who went through one; it was the loss of an entire lifetime.
I’m not just grieving the loss of a baby.
I’m not just missing my pregnant belly.
I’m not just grieving holding my newborn.
I’m missing a lot more than just a baby.
my baby’s first bath
hairclips and headbands
being called “mom”
hearing her giggle when we stay up late just to make cookies
a first day of school
late nights and high fevers
seeing the excitement in her eyes when she sees something she loves
trips to the store by ourselves
reading stories together
listening to her practice an instrument
high school graduation
comforting her when she cried
sending her to college
I’m not just grieving the loss of a baby, I’m grieving the loss of an entire lifetime.